UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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