what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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