yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
