just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
