My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
