im having a threesome with these popsicles
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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