Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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