Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
