I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
