Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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