My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
