I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Naked. naked and bneed help.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
