I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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