I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
