my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
