I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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