On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
