Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize