The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
