Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I can't put those talents on a resume
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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