idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
