That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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