nut hugger
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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