one two three fourrrrnication!
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
do nipples grow back?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
