the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
