How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
