so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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