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Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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