i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
