There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize