Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
what day is it and did you see me today?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
