I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
