is your mom at the bar?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
