just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
