This is not my ceiling
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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