That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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