you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
