did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
My breasts were aching with rage.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize