Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Randomize
