Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Randomize
