Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
