$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You may now shotgun with the bride
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
