somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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