We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
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