It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
