Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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