i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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