dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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