Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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