I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
