he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
