Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
