So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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