You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
