She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
