you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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