i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
