dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
It's never too late to be topless.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Randomize
