I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
