True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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