We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
How's work?
Spinning.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
