So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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