my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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