I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
