My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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