look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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