This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
