He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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