guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
