Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
